“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he made him; male and female he made them” Genesis 1:27

“God is love.” 1 John 4:8

“Let all who thirst come; let all who desire it, drink from the life-giving water.” (Revelation 22:17)

Life is messy, and oftentimes the messiness brings pain and difficulty. We grasp at control in an effort to prevent pain or avoid problems, and sometimes it works for a bit. However, the messiness of life is unavoidable and attempts to get around the concomitant pain and trouble only causes other pains and troubles. The ceaseless effort only exacerbates our thirst for happiness and peace.

Everyone desires happiness – a fulfilling life of love and purpose. If we want this thirst satisfied however, we would be better served by looking to Christ. Contemporary cultural solutions tend to be short sighted; Christ alone provides the life-giving water that can redeem our efforts.  Our lives will be messy.  The lives of those we love will be messy. God isn’t afraid of our mess, rather He chose to become man to stand in the middle of it with us, roll up His sleeves, and put it back together.

“In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the expiation for our sins.” 1 John 4:9-10.  

With Christ however, He never puts it back the way it was.  Instead, He makes all things new (Revelation 21:5).  He’s so much more loving and wiser than we can imagine, so allowing Him into our mess, also means allowing Him to work in His way. And the Lord has told us ahead of time, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways” (Isaiah 55:8).  He does not see as we see – from outward appearance, rather he sees straight to the heart (cf. 1 Samuel 16:7).

Nothing seems to be as messy as human relationships; probably because it’s where we ought to resemble God the most and where we struggle with our fallenness the most. Anxiety around relationships takes many different forms, but everyone struggles in some way or another.

On January 22^nd, we will be remembering a particular relational struggle-that of unplanned and unwanted pregnancies. Rallies will be held around the United States to promote the protection of all human life.  Arguments and pleas on both sides of the abortion debate will be made about choice.  I’m not going to offer an argument – many thoughtful and knowledgeable people have already done so.  Rather, I’d like to offer a reflection on the mystery underlying the dialogue around what choice one should make when faced with such a profoundly delicate and meaningful “mess” – a drink of life-giving water from Christ amidst the stress.

The debates around pregnancy must be heated because the reality of pregnancy and its consequences carry such profound significance – literally life altering.  When considering a “wanted pregnancy”, this profundity is obviously apparent.  The deepest joy and depth of meaning for a couple is becoming a family. However, the exact same act done in love and producing the most beautiful miracle, can also be done without love or without meaning and somehow produces the same miracle. This is the mystery of the mismatch underlying the abortion issue. An unremarkable sexual encounter, or a remarkable encounter but lacking the necessary relational depth or perfect circumstances, should seemingly produce an equally unremarkable or superficial effect. Yet something so short can (and does) produce a someone who is eternal. A forgettable night can create an unforgettable person. One must wonder at this mystery: how can something so simple produce something so complex and weighty?

This brings us back to the messiness of human life. God made the act of love for a love that images Him – unitive, creative, life giving, meaningful, supernatural. Whether we respect nature or not, God does. The intentions of the couple do not determine the gravity of its effects. We can try to control the situation, but unplanned and unwanted pregnancies prove otherwise.

One might counter with a “simple” solution of an abortion. However, abortion isn’t merely a “procedure” – it’s a birth.  All pregnancies end with the birth of a baby, abortion doesn’t avoid that reality.  Instead, it makes it violent toward the child and emotionally traumatizing for the parents.

In our present culture, sex is associated by many with animal instinct. Yet it doesn’t result in animals but in humans, images of God with eternal souls. Maybe this is why making love is a more accurate description of the act than merely having sex.  In our fallen and messy world, we can experience a mismatch between sharing in the holiest of powers to cooperate with God in the creation of new life, and the easy misuse or degraded abuse of that power. We need Christ’s help to recover reverence for this sacred power and gift. We also need profound grace to wield this power against the fallen forces of concupiscence within. Our fallen nature means we have a weakened will and a darkened intellect, meaning we are great at rationalizing what we want to do over what we should do, and find it so hard to do what we ought rather than what we feel.

However, when we sin (and we all do), there can be healing redemption through taking responsibility for our actions and allowing Christ to work in the mess.  In the case of “unwanted pregnancy”, our act of selfish un-love, can be remedied by the reparative act of to-love. A child conceived in a superficial or selfishly motivated encounter is still a gift given by God for an opportunity to restore or grow one’s heart with deep and real love. Even if the conception occurred from merely having sex instead of making love, God Who is Love, created this child, and his or her growth, birth, and life can be a profoundly loving encounter. How beautiful if both the mother and the father should embrace this opportunity! If they turn from using each other, or only loving partially, to loving each other wholly and sacrificially, inspired by love for the child they have begotten together with God.  

Oftentimes when in a mess and feeling overwhelmed, we feel ashamed to let anyone see, and pride undermines reaching out for help.  When we let Christ into the mess, He not only heals us in surprising ways, but He also sends reinforcement.  Just as you have an opportunity to grow, so do others who Christ invites to participate.  It takes faith because we can’t always see the help right away. However, if we can be humble and brave enough to let others into our mess, they too can be part of the gift of love.

St. Paul wrote that “God works all things together for good” (Romans 8:28). Even though every child deserves to be conceived in love and part of a family ready to receive them, God can redeem every limitation or mistake and make it more beautiful than before. Isn’t this what He did with death?  What Satan thought to be his triumph, turned instead to be God’s weapon against him. In the same way, if we turn our problems over to the Lord, He can use the same circumstance to raise us back up. 

God is love, and we are made in His image. All pregnancies are an opportunity for the sacrificial and heroic love to which we are called, and in which we can find the happiness we are searching for. We are all part of God’s family, and all called to care for one another. Even if a child was not planned by the parents, it has a plan from God and so do they.

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Connection Point – Share Your Experience

+ Are you currently in an unplanned struggle? What are your fears or worries? 

+ Have you made it through to the other side of a crisis? What encouragement can you offer those in the middle of one? What did you find most helpful during that time? How has God worked it for good?

Please keep all comments respectful; this is a platform for encouragement and accompaniment, not argument.

Join in prayer: Praying for the Unborn and Mothers in Crisis…Meditations on the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary

Related post: Day of Prayer for the Legal Protection of Unborn Children

© 2024 Angela M Jendro

*Scriptural texts, unless otherwise noted, are taken from The Holy Bible: Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition, (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2004)